Kevin’s First Book

We shifted to a new house on 30^th November this year and two days past the shifting with no sort of entertainment what so ever (we were yet to fix the TV and didn’t have any internet connection too), Kevin took up to write a book. He tore a page from my office pad and produced his first book, which also is a one page book with the cover on one side and the story on the other.

 

The book is called 'Old He-Man's Family' and purchase requests of the same, including memorabilia can be made on the fake website www.He-mans'sallworld.com

Enjoy reading.

 

The Cover

 



The Book

Air Kerala

The other day I overheard some mallu lads in our local cafeteria talking very excitedly about something called Air Kerala. For once I thought they were mocking at me, for I had just passed wind after my sumptuous dinner comprising of Kerala Style Beef Fry and Parottas, but later found out that they were just discussing about this new airline that would belong to God’s Own Country.

Wow! We had the KSRTC wreaking havoc on the roads and the SWTD dodging houseboats, now we’ll also have Air Kerala to die for! Whoa! That’s some news!

 

The Cafeteria owner Shamsukka was really excited and thanked Allahu that now he wouldn’t have to travel on that wretched Air India Express in which the toilets don’t have even a mug, the food is awful and the Air Crew doesn’t speak Malayalam. But I had to intervene and kill his excitement by promptly informing him that none of us mallus would be travelling by Air Kerala as it wouldn’t be a budget airline. Initially he didn’t believe me, but later accepted my declaration as he felt that I was more knowledgeable than him as I wore a tie and preferred to drink bottled mineral water instead of what he served for free in that typical cafeteria red jug with white top.

Yes, just like our most gelf airlines Air Kerala too would be a five star airline but, with a difference. Here are five specific features that you could expect once on board:

 

1.    Welcome Drink

As soon as you get in expect to be served a large complementary flask full of spicy Sambharam if you are in the Business Class. For the Economy Class expect a plastic glassful of warm Karingali Vellam.

 

2.    That homely feeling

Mallus don’t like Air Conditioners, and therefore this airline would not have any air conditioning at all, isn’t that exciting? Each one of us will be provided with a tiny portable fan that’d let out a squeaking sound reminding us of your very own fan at home.

And then, as soon as you finish drinking your Welcome Drink, the crew will come by distributing free lungis to men and frilled nighties to women. Change into those and relax, just like you’d do in the porch of your house. What’s more, these are complementary! So you get to take these along with you to your homes, and maybe if you are generous, you could also gift it to one of you lesser fortunate relatives back home. Imagine how proud that aunt of yours would feel when she goes to drop her kid to the school with this Air Kerala nightie on!

Yes, the washroom will have a mug and the tap will never run out of water. As a rule, there will be no tissue napkins; everyone will be allowed to bring their own Torthu.  And there, on the top shelf in the washroom you’ll also find sufficient supplies of your favourite Ayurvedic soap, Herbal Fairness Cream and Coconut Hair Oil.

 

3.    The Food

Unlike the other airlines that burdened your heart with the guilt of snitching off on board cutlery, this one will let you leave with a clean heart. They’d provide no cutlery at all!

Economy Class passengers would be served limited but, Authentic Kerala Style Oonu on a Banana leaf. Like every authentic mallu Oonu, this one will also come with an option; Thani Nadans could go for the mota (boiled) rice version, whilst the Fraud Mallus could go for the bareek (regular) rice version. Kids will be served Puttu, Pazham and Pappadams. If you are travelling Business Class, you’ll get the unlimited version with two extra glasses of Ada payasam and have the additional options of Kozikodden Biryani and the Kappa Meen Curry.

Yes, there’d be an inflight toddy shop too, serving day before yesterday’s pulichha toddy minus the flies.

 

4.    The Staff

Imagine nubile buxom lasses in set mundu strutting down the aisle swaying their pompous posterior and in the process shaking the whole aircraft as they attend to their very demanding customers. Imagine you are sitting on the aisle, and one of them stops by next to you, bending down just enough that her knockers are just an inch away from your nose, and she pouts her lips just to enquire in pure Malayalam “Chetta, is everything okay?” or “Can I get you something, Chetta?” What else could you ask for?

Imagine your safety instructions being enacted out in pure kalari style by a purebred mallu lad dressed only in a mundu and nothing else. 

 

5.    Inflight entertainment

Everyone will be entertained.

Each seat will have its own LCD screen on which kids will be able to watch the adventures of Tintumon and Jeeboomba. Women could watch one of the many channels showing yesterday’s TV serials Kumkumapuvu, Streedhanam, Amma etc etc whatever they want. And for men who were not done enough with vayanokafying the Airhostesses, could switch on to the day’s screening of one of Shakeelachechi’s evergreen movie.

If you are the reading type, just fish into the airline seat pocket and you’d find copies of Nana, Mangalam, Manorama and what not. 

Yes for any mallu, Air Kerala would be the airline to fly. And I hope that one day I’d be able to fly on one of its route and that it doesn’t fizzle off like our other very famous mallu brand ‘Kochi Tuskers Kerala’

I am sure, one day I will fly the Air Kerala that is, if the pilots have not gone on hartal… that is……if….

Chinese Fish Chilli with Noodles

Serves One 

Preparation time:

Cutting/Chopping – 5mins

Preparing the marinade & marinating time – 35mins

Cooking time – 7-10mins

Ingredients:

Chinese Egg Noodles – 100gms

Fish – Sheri (local Qatari fish) – 100gms

Spring Onion – 2no

Capsicum – Yellow – 1/6

Capsicum – Green – 1/6

Tomato (small) – 1no

Ginger chopped – 1tbsp

Garlic chopped – 1tbsp

Green Chilli – 1no

Red Chilli Paste – 4tbsp

Ground Black Pepper – 1/8tsp

Corn Flour – 3tbsp (1 for the marinade and 2 for the sauce)

Sesame Oil – 2tbsp (1 each for frying the fish and for the main cooking)

White Wine – Chardonnay – 2tbsp

Sugar – 1tbsp

Salt 

How I cut them:

I cut the fish into small pieces.

The vegetables were cut into large size pieces having rough dimensions of 4cm to 5cm each. For the spring onions, I chopped the white part into diskettes and the green part into long tubes of around 4cm to 5cm each.

I chopped the chilly, garlic and ginger into medium sized pieces. 

How I cooked it:

Red Chilli Paste

I used the Red Chilli Paste that I’d got during the weekend along with the barbequed chicken from Rotana Restaurant. However, making one is not difficult at all. All it requires is to soak 3-4 dried red chillies in 3tbsp of water and then grind it into a paste. When it is done, just add ½tsp of vinegar to it. 

Chinese Fish Chilli

In a bowl, I added the fish cubes, corn flour, Ground Black Pepper, 1tbsp of the Red Chilli Paste, 1tbsp Corn Flour and 2tbsp of Chardonnay and mixed them well.

When I saw that the fish cubes were coated well in the mix, I covered the bowl with a plastic wrap and left in the fridge for half an hour.

While this mix was being marinated, I copped/cut all the vegetables and cooked the noodles.

By the end of 30mins, I heated sesame oil in a skillet and fried the fish. When the fish was done, I left it aside on a plate lined with tissue paper.

Then, I heated sesame oil in a wok over high flame. I swirled the wok around to ensure that the oil had coated the wok well till the top, rather than just staying settled at the bottom.

When the wok was hot and ready, I tossed in the chilli, garlic and ginger.
After around 30secs or so, I added in all the vegetables in the wok and cooked them by tossing intermittently which, went on for a couple of minutes or so.

Later I added in the Red Chilli Paste, Sugar and Salt and, cooked the contents mixing and tossing them over a high flame.

When the mix was turning brown, I added 2tbsp of corn flour into a bowl of the water that I had retained after cooking the noodles. I poured this mix into the wok added the fried fish and let it cook.

I cooked the mix by continuously stirring it. In about 3-4mins the watery mix had coagulated into thick gravy. The dish was ready!

 

Plain Noodles

Cooking noodles was the easiest part. I used a packet of authentic Chinese Egg Noodles of the brand 'Pearl River Bridge'

Instructions for cooking the noodles were provided on the packet itself and it hardly took 7-8mins to finish cooking it, which was done while the fish was put to marinate. The packet contained 4 sets of noodles of 100gms each since I was cooking only for one person, I used one of the four.

 

The experience:

Fast to cook and good to eat! Lived up to its name ‘Fish Chilli’.

Cheese Sandwich & Scrambled Eggs

Serves One
Calories 500 

Preparation time:

Cooking time – 5-7mins 

Ingredients:

Eggs (medium size) – 2nos

Evaporated Milk– 1 packet (15g)

Milk Bread – 4 slices

Ground Black Pepper – 2tsp

Salt

Butter – 20gms 

How I cooked it:

Cheese Sandwich

I first sprinkled some ground black pepper on the milk bread.

Then I place a cheese slice.

On which I again sprinkled another layer of ground black pepper.

Then I sandwiched the cheese with another slice of milk bread.

On a Skillet, I heated 5gms of butter.

I Pan toasted the cheese sandwich on the Skillet frying it on both sides till the sides turned brown and the cheese within had melted. 

Scrambled Egg

In a steel glass I beat two eggs into a frothy evenly coloured mix using a fork.

I later added a small packet of evaporated milk to it and whisked the mix for around a minute adding a teaspoon of ground black pepper and a pinch of salt in between.

When it was whisked well, I left it aside for some time.

In a Skillet, I heated around 10gms of butter and when the butter had melted, I spread it throughout the Skillet and then poured over the egg and milk mix.

When the egg the omelette was almost done, I scrambled it. 

The experience:

This is a very basic breakfast, which can be cooked in a jiffy. It is also one dish that requires more time to eat than to cook!

This is also one of the first meals I cook for myself when I am left home alone. It is simple, easy and fast to cook.

A pucca bachelor’s dish!

Bread Chicken Kotthu

Inspiration for this dish comes from the famed ‘Motta Kotthu Parotta’ one of Tamil Nadu’s most loved non veg street food. I remember having Kotthu Parottas for dinner from one of the many Pandi Restaurants that do brisk business during evenings under the Chembur Bridge bang next to the Central Railway line. Those days I was a bachelor and used to binge extensively on the Mumbai Streets and in its many bars. This was my attempt to create something similar albeit, this one uses bread and barbequed chicken.

During the last weekend I had a drinks session with one of my very good friend and, when he came down, he got with him some of those barbeque chicken from Qatar’s famed Rotana Restaurant, which is famous for its very suprapungentopepperochillionimically spicy barbeque chicken. Since we couldn’t have all of it, he left some of it in my fridge. Two days later, I came up with this idea to use up this chicken. Here’s how I did it.

Serves Two

Calories 1450 (725 per serving) 

Preparation time:

Cutting/Chopping/Shredding – 15mins

Cooking time – 10mins 

Ingredients:

Barbeque Chicken breast (from Rotana Restaurant, Doha) - 1no.

Eggs (medium size) – 2nos

Milk Bread – 5 Slices

Tomatoes (small size) – 3nos

Onion (medium size) – 1½nos

Ginger chopped – 1tbsp

Garlic chopped – 1tbsp

Green Chilli – 2nos

Curry Leaves – 15nos petals

Coriander Leaves – 15nos petals

Whole Black Pepper – 1tsp

Ground Black Pepper – ½tsp

Cumin seeds – 1tsp

Red Chilli powder – 1tsp

Turmeric powder – 1tsp

Oil – 5tbsp

Salt 

How I cut them:

I shredded the chicken using a fork and separated it from the bones. It was easy to break off the chicken from the bone as it was still cold.

 

I cut the bread into medium size pieces.

I chopped the onions, ginger, garlic and tomatoes finely.

How I cooked it:

Firstly, I heated a wok with 2tbsp of oil and added in it cumin seeds, whole black peppers and half of the ginger, garlic and green chillies.

When the peppers started to crackle, I added the bread pieces into the wok.

I fried the bread pieces till it had flattened and formed lots of bread crumbs. When it was done, I moved the bread and its crumbs into a plate, wiped the wok with a tissue and prepared it for cooking the Kotthu.

I put the wok back on the fire and poured in 3tbsp of oil, added mustard seeds, green chillies, ginger, garlic and onion into it.

When the onion was turning brown, I added the curry leaves, tomatoes, red chilli powder, turmeric powder and salt.

I cooked the mix till it became a paste like the tomato chutney.

In this paste, I added the shredded chicken.

I mixed the chicken so that all the chicken pieces were coated with the masala and cooked it till the chicken pieces became tender. (Remember, I had taken the chicken out from the fridge and they were still cold)

I added the fried bread pieces and its crumbs.

I mixed well and cooked the mix for two minutes till the bread pieces became soggy and soft.

.

In a glass I beat two eggs and poured in the beaten eggs into the wok, spreading it over the Kotthu that was being prepared.

I mixed all the contents for 1- 2mins till the egg started to thicken.

When it was almost done, I turned off the fire, added the coriander leaves, covered the wok with a lid and left it like that for a minute or so. The dish was done! 

The experience:

I had it with a large dollop of curd topped with some of that very spicy red chilli sauce from Rotana Restaurant.

It did take me back to the street.

Similar to ‘that yesterday’s leftover rice’ which makes excellent Fried Rice ‘yesterday’s leftover barbeque chicken’ makes excellent Kotthu.

In fact, for all my friends who unlike us gulfies don’t have the luxury of that ‘around the corner mallu cafeteria’ which gives you ready supply of parottas; the Bread Kotthu is a great alternative to the Kotthu Parotta. 

If you have a tongue for street food, I’d suggest you try this recipe. I am sure, you’ll like it.

Beef in tomatoes

Serves One

Preparation time:

Cutting/Chopping – 10mins

Preparing the marinade & marinating time – 24hrs

Cooking time – 30mins

Ingredients:

Indian Beef – 100gms

Tomatoes (large size) – 3nos

Onion (large size) – 1/2

Ginger chopped – 1tbsp

Garlic chopped – 1tbsp

Green Chilli – 2nos

Curry Leaves – 20nos petals

Drambuie – 2tbsp

Whole Black Pepper – 1tbsp

Ground Black Pepper – 1½tsp

Cinnamon powder – 1tsp

Cumin seeds – 1tsp

Dried red chillies – 2nos

Cardamom – 3nos

Clove pods – 3nos

Desiccated Coconut slices – 5nos

Coconut Oil – 2tbsp

Salt

How I cut them:

I cut the beef into small pieces.

I chopped the onion, green chillies, garlic and ginger into small sized pieces.

How I cooked it:

Cooking this dish is a two day process, and on the first day I had just cut the beef, chopped the green chillies, garlic and ginger. I mixed all of these along with the whole black peppers.

I then poured in the Drambuie liquer over it to tenderise the meat.

I then mixed all of them well and covered the bowl with a plastic wrap and left the mix to marinate for 24hrs.

Next day by around the same time, I stir fried the whole tomatoes in a wok glazed with ½ table spoon of Coconut oil over a high flame tossing them till they appeared generally cooked on the outer. I used a kitchen tong to ensure that all the sides were done well too.

I cut the tomatoes from the top and then scooped out the entire fleshy interior and took it aside, leaving the bottom shell as a bowl.

I then mixed the fleshy interior and the top parts of the tomato into a mixer and made it into a puree.

On a small bowl I mixed all the dry spices (Ground Black Pepper, Cinnamon powder, Cumin seeds, dried red chillies, Cardamom, Clove seeds, chopped desiccated Coconut slices) and the curry leaves.

In the same wok, I in which I had earlier fried the tomatoes, I added the remaining Coconut oil and when the oil was hot, added the chopped onions. After stirring the onion for some 5-6secs and without waiting for the onion to cook thoroughly, I added the dry masala.

After mixing the masala, I added the beef and stir fried it for 5-7minutes.

When it seemed like the beef had cooked up to 60-70%, I added the tomato puree to the wok and reduced the flame to low.

I then cooked the beef in this tomato puree on this low flame for some 20mins with a lid on and intermittently checking and stirring the mix every 5-7mins.

By the end of 20mins the beef was done and the mix was dry and thick.

I then arranged it in the tomato bowls and garnished with onions, lemon, cilantro and desiccated coconut.

 

The experience:

Awesome taste and an equally awesome aroma!! I knew this one was going to taste great when I opened the lid after the first 10mins of the covered cooking. The aroma that engulfed my kitchen was so awesomely fantastic, that I just can’t find the right words to describe it. In no time my salivary glands got into action and my mouth was all watery. I was so hungry and eager to have it that I forgot to take the last pic (the final pic of how it should look when it is cooked) of this dish in the wok. Sorry for that.

I had it with a glass of my favourite white wine, Chardonnay.

I did not cook any rotis today and had to settle for the very bland and basic Arabic Khubz. But the dish itself was so good, that the bread didn’t matter.

It had a very authentic Kerala taste and, I sure am going to cook this dish again and again.

This one will definitely go very well with any hard drink. And is there any dish that can beat the Kerala Beef fry + Kerala Parotta combination!! I think none!

Try it.