All these Facebook peoples, I say.

FB is a great place to stay in touch with your friends and relatives.

In fact, FB has become an integral part of my life, especially since I found most of my ‘BFFs’ from my school and college days and started socializing with them. In the last 1500 odd days since I moved on to FB from Orkut, I have made many friends, some of whom are related to me, and some others who are linked to my past life in some or the other way. 

This is my analysis of the 10 types of people they have ultimately become:

1.      The Dead People:

They seem to be dormant, but are actually active, very active. They do not interact openly, they do not post anything about themselves nor do they like or comment on your posts, but they are reading everything. They are around; they are watching your every move.  The worst is when you meet them in person; they come up with “I see you all the time on facebook. Very active ahh?”

2.      God’s Agents:

They share religious pictures with the instructions “Like under 10 seconds and get blessed” or “share and experience his holiness”. Most sensible people on FB do not approve of these, but some girls do like and share them anyway, out of fear that their Aunt who has posted this may think that her niece is an atheist and may not help her in finding her NRI groom.

3.      Quote Aunts

They spend their whole day searching for quotes. Every day they share at a minimum ten quotes, most of which are not applicable on them while dealing with their husbands, also, they do not remember sharing these after two days, and so it repeats.

4.      The Day Spoilers

They post all the unwanted stuff and the best you can do to yourself is ‘hide’ their posts. Some of these people post pictures of unwell kids and ask you to like them, some post pictures of gory accidents and missile attacks. Some others try to force their political views up your ass.

5.      Game Worms:

Not satisfied with playing games on their androids and ipads these guys log into FB to play games. What is worse is that they repeatedly keep sending you invitations for games like Farmville, Criminal Case, Train station… blah blah blah.

6.      The News Agents:

They share all sorts of weird and sometimes obvious (like cricket scores and election results) news from here and there and everywhere as soon as it is published on one of the news websites. Some of the news they share is also fake.

Then they have their expert panelist friends, who go to youtube and wiki, do their research and come up with a comment like “Do you remember that match in 1985, at Lords. This knock reminds me of that.”

7.      Religious Advertisers:

They are always on a mission of promoting to the FB junta that their religion is the best, that their scriptures have all the solutions to your problems and that their deities are the most pious of all. Invariably all their post will share a picture about their religion. Apart from posting these pictures, they are also most active on their specific religious FB page.

8.      The Next Gen:

They are the ones who have more than thousand friends on FB. They painstakingly tag each pic of theirs with as many friends as they can. Although I would call them the next generation of FBers, they are pretty old generation in terms of technology awareness. I say so because their comments and posts are full of compressed words. For example, who writes ‘avn woful tym a ma frns BP’ instead of ‘having a wonderful time at my friend’s Birthday Party’. The only reason why they write so is because either they are using their parent’s discarded basic mobile phone or they do not know how to switch on the spell check feature on their system.

9.      The Hot Pie:

Anyone who has secret admirers falls into this category. Age, race, sex do not matter. This could be a young person who posts stylish drool worthy pictures, or could also be that boyfriend/girlfriend you couldn’t have while you were in college. Any damn thing that this person does is almost always liked or commented upon by you.

10.  Useless Buggers:

They are always on FB. They give an impression that they do not have any other work in their workplace. They are all the time chatting with someone or are busy posting waste comments on their friend’s wall, which continues through the day, and even while at home sometimes until very late in the night. 

Some of these people even write blogs on unimportant topics and share it on FB. And then, there are some other Useless Buggers who spend time reading it.