Veggies in Omelette

Serves One, only one!

Total Calories - 875

Ingredients:

Classic Bran Bread – 3 slices

Egg – 2nos

Milk (evaporated) – 1 packet (15g)

Mushroom – 1no

Baby Corn – 1no

Baby Carrots – 3nos

Onion – 1no

Capsicum – Yellow – 1/6

Capsicum – Green – 1/6

Butter – 10gms

Cheese (shredded) – 10gms

Oil – 2tbsp

Black Pepper (whole) – 1tbsp

Ground Black Pepper – 1tsp

Salt

How I cut them:

I diced all the vegetables into really small pieces.

How I cooked it:

The Omelette

Beat eggs and milk into a frothy and evenly coloured mix. This process requires rigorous whisking for around 30 seconds to a minute or so depending on the process that one would use for whisking. I’d whisked it in a steel glass using a fork, which took me around a minute. Midway the whisking, I added some salt to the mix. I’d read somewhere that, when we add salt to the egg mix, the mix starts to thicken. My intention was to have a thick base, thick enough to hold the filling within. When it was whisked well, I left it aside for some time.

Meanwhile, I heated oil in a Skillet on low flame and added whole black pepper. I added the diced onions when the pepper started to fry and started popping out of the Skillet like bullets out of a machine gun.

When the onion appeared to be turning brown, I added the diced vegetables, ground black pepper, salt and sautéed the mix till it was cooked. It had taken around just under 2 minutes since the vegetables were diced really small. When done, I removed the vegetables from the Skillet and placed in a dish.

In the same Skillet and, over a medium flame I poured the egg/milk mix spreading it throughout the Skillet. 

As the omelette was getting cooked, and while the top was still soggy and almost done, I sprinkled the shredded Cheese and the cooked vegetable mix on one half of the omelette.

Then, I lifted the other half of the omelette and turned it over enveloping the veggies and cheese mix, leaving it to cook like this for around 5-10 seconds.

After which, I turned over the omelette to cook from the other side for another 5-10 seconds.

When done, I moved the omelette on to a plate.

Butter Toasted Bread

In the same Skillet, I heated the butter and added the remnant of the veggies. As the veggies were getting fried I toasted the bread slices on it.

 And this is how it looked:

The experience:

Tastes great!! It felt absolutely fantastic, especially when I chewed onto the first piece of that omelette, little bombs of black pepper burst into my mouth. I just closed my eyes and I could visualize the New Year’s Day fireworks. It was all happening in my mouth. Fantastic!!

Yes, it was a bit spicy. It was because of the 1tbsp of the whole black peppers and the additional 1tsp of ground black pepper in the veggies. However, it was good for me because I killed the heat with a glass of Goji Berry Juice.

All in all, a very energy filled breakfast combo packing in 875 Calories from the Omelette and 125 Calories from the Juice. That is a total of 1,000!! I had my next meal only after 12 hours.

My wife is a big egg fan, and I am going to cook this again on one of the weekends after she is back. You too must try. Try it and do let me know your comments.

Dude Talk

A very Happy Friendship Day to all of my friends.

Two months back I accepted a friendship request (on Facebook) from a young lad based in Baroda, the town where I had all of my upbringing.  He is a mallu guy and much younger than me. After seeing his profile, I was a bit confused, as I realized that I don’t remember meeting him as a child because even at the age of 18 when I left home for my studies he must have been barely a year old, nevertheless I accepted his request as between us we had four common friends.

Establishing a new acquaintance can very exciting. It opens up a door not just to a new person, but an entirely new world, a new world of thoughts, set notions, do’s and don’ts, theories, way of life, boundaries and what not.  More often than not it leads you to a point where, some you end up looking up to and start idolising, some you identify with yourself and who you want to have in your very own BFF list and some others for whom you develop a sort of aversion and utter disdain. However this guy doesn’t fit in any of the three categories above. In fact I really don’t know where to put him.

I’ve had two chat sessions with him and here’s how they went. Here I am presenting the unabridged, unadulterated, unpolished and undistorted version of both the sessions. Have a good entertaining read.

First Session:

This was on Sunday, 10 June 2012. For all the right reasons, I have just masked his name off. I’ll refer to him as ‘New Friend’

New Friend: hi how are u

I – good

New Friend: were are u

I – office

New Friend: are u in baroda today ur offce working

I – nope. i m in Qatar

New Friend: ok

That was it. It was a Sunday, and the busiest day of the week for me. I went back to work. For him, it was just an ice breaker.

Second Session:

This was on 3 August 2012. It was a Friday, and I had nothing important to do and so, was playing games on my home computer when this session started. In this transcript I have masked the names of both, this guy and me. However, it is not difficult to find out which one I am. Nevertheless, just enjoy the camouflage.

Dude 1 - Hi dude how are u were are u

Dude 2 - I am fine and I am here. Where are you dude?

Dude 1 - were are u dude can u come in gujarat

Dude 2 - Yes dude, I am allowed to enter Gujarat after I complete my banishment term. The current one gets over by July 2013. But why are you asking?

Dude 1 - just for a casual meet dude u stay in gujaart or in kerala dude

Dude 2 - I stay in Qatar, dude. I guess you stay in Gujarat, right dude?

Dude 1 - I stya in gujart dear but had u come everdear u or u come in gujart stay somewere in hotel or in ur relatives place daer

Dude 2 - I stay at my relatives place dear. Where do you stay?

Dude 1 - I stya in baroda dae ok so u dont have afamily in baroda

Dude 2 - no no dear. not anymore dear.

Dude 1 - means dude

Dude 2 - means house is locked dear, but yes relatives are there dude

Dude 1 - ok dude are u planning to come in ocetober dear

Nov I will be shifting to bombay

Dude 2 - Oh no! that is sad dear. Me no come in october dear.

One advice dear. While in bombay.... don't call bombay as bombay.... or Shivsainiks with get angry.... call it as mumbai okay....okay dear?

Dude 1 - october if u were coming thats was fine daer u ca stay with me in october in my house

Dude 2 - thanks dear

but why would you do that?

Dude 1 - means dude

Dude 2 - means offer me a place to stay at your house dear?

Dude 1 - not like that dear if ur realtives not there at october u can syytay with me because my parents they are going to shift on august at mumabi so I will be alsone so I had told u if u dont stya with ur relatives u can stay with me

Dude 2 - Thanks. you are a very generous dude!

Do you have a liquor permit too?

Dude 1 - ya dude dont worry abou that daerwe drinks and dinner togethether and have fun

Dude 2 - what kind of fun are you talking about dude?

Dude 1 - have adrinks nad paty dude

why u had asked me like this

Dude 2 - what is 'nad paty' dude?

Dude 1 - u want anything more also

Dude 2 - what are the offers? dude?

Dude 1 - what u awnt tel me dude

what offers u want

Dude 2 - Oh! my o my.... really?

Dude 1 - ya u will be having nice night with me while we have adrinks and dinner and have some movies also

Dude 2 - I like Margarita, Black Russian and Screwdriver. What do you like?

Dude 1 - I will be having some some beare or some votca

u like to watch a movies

Dude 2 - With Vodka if you add some peaches, cranberry juice and orange juice we could make a nice long one of 'sex on the beach'

by the way that's a cocktail drink

Yes, I watch all types of movies, dude.

Dude 1 - but I drink some votca my mind will be divertying to have some other activies

Dude 2 - what activities?

Dude 1 - my mind go in sex part

Dude 2 - oh ho... so vodka turns you into a sex monster?

Dude 1 - ya dude tel me know wht to do

Dude 2 - ya dude. so what do you do when you get this uncontrollable bout of sex drive?

Dude 1 - I will be doing anything in sex taht I only dont know

Dude 2 - like what dude?

Fear not! Tell openly because 'Darr ke aagey jeet hai'

Dude 1 - that I dont know dude but some ime I will feel to suck hugging kiising everything

Dude 2 - Have you not had a 'One night stand' before?

By the way... that's a drink too - Cognac + Mountain Dew + Orange juice

Dude 1 - one of my frend had came from bombay he is alos akeralite guy I stay with him full night

Dude 2 - so what do you kiss.... things like the table lamp, pillow etc etc or something else?

Dude 1 - whn u drink dude u dont feel to have a sex

something else dear

Dude 2 - don't tell me you have a dog at home! :-P

Dude 1 - means

why u had asked me like this

Dude 2 - what is something else dearhhhh?

Dude 1 - no I am having with fun that guy also who has came from bombay he is a engineer

Dude 2 - Oh! Is he into oil and gas?

Dude 1 - he is a computer engineer

he ahd stay full night with me

ya daer

Dude 2 - Is that why you are going away..... to bombay? tell me dear?

Dude 1 - ya dear we had alot of fun and have aenjoyment nicely

Dude 2 - so you will not be there when I come to baroda?

Dude 1 - whn are u coming dear whn u come i dont have a place

Dude 2 - Oh no!

Dude 1 - plz try dear to come on oct plz

Dude 2 - no dear... I cannot I cannot I cannot.....

Dude 1 - ok so whn u come in baroda u will having a place or u stay in a hotel

Dude 2 - I have your house na dude!

Dude 1 - but taht timemy family there dude

Dude 2 - So what dude?

Dude 1 - u also like to have fun dude

Dude 2 - Yeah I like to have fun to. But my definition of fun is limited to playing tennis, driving, eating good food, watching a movie in the theater, playing with my kids and having a good time with my family.

That reminds me dude, today I am going to watch Jism2. Sunny Leone is my favorite actress.

Do you like her too dude?

Dude 1 - no this kind of fun dear after a drink

Dude 2 - no this kind of fun after a drink dear.

Dude 1 - ok dear but we have a casual meet daer ok bye take care

Dude 2 - where are you going dude.... baat abhi baaki hai.... raat abhi baaki hai..

Dude 1 - I ma not going naywere dude

Dude 2 - then why are you saying bye dude?

Dude 1 - I taught that I am waisting ur time

Dude 2 - No no. You didn't teach me anything new. I am used to wasting my time like this.

Dude 1 - ok tel me are u ready to stya with me at nght and wht we will do in night wht should I want to offer u

Dude 2 - can you be more explicit?

Dude 1 - ya dude

Dude 2 - I asked the question

Dude 1 - means

Dude 2 - What do you like?

Dude 1 - I had told u daer b4 taht I like everything and u

Dude 2 - You are aggravating me now. What is everything man. Can you write it down clearly and explicitly?

Dude 1 - why u want to have afun daer then I will teldde

Dude 2 - Hey dude, something more important has come up. There's Saina Nehwal vs Wang Yihan - Badminton semis on the TV. Can't miss that.

Thanks for the chat though. I had a good time chatting with you.

Dude 1 - I tell wht I like sucking hugging and kissing all

why you had stop in chat in daer I had not told u daer tahs why

sorry daer bye daer after drinks this all things I like

why u are not chatting dude I am going to logout dear

are u busy daer

At the end of this second session, I was feeling good. I had that naughty grin on my face as I had just spent around 75 minutes off my utterly worthless day chatting rubbish with someone I really didn’t know.

After Saina lost her semifinals, I briefly watched some other sport, I think it was Hockey and India was trailing Germany 1-3. I switched off the TV and went back to doing nothing. As I lied there doing nothing, for a moment, I was angry and telling myself “Bloody chutiya, he thinks I am gay!” and was taken over by a sudden bout of hatred towards all gays, and must admit I was even scared because I’d just realized that this is what my lads will be exposed to as they grow up!

I got up, logged into my FB account and started reading the transcript again. From my perspective, it was funny. I was actually screwing around in my own silly sarcastic way, but I realized something more when I looked at this chat from his perspective. He was serious and possibly in pain too. That’s when, in one corner of my room I saw Mr. Maslow sitting there squatting on the floor grinning and mocking at me just like I did after I finished the second session of the chat with this guy.

Sex, like food, water, sleep is one of our basic physiological needs. And if this need is not satisfied, there is no way that one would feel comfortable enough to raise higher and eventually attain self-actualization.  

I believe that everyone has the right to find a sexual partner of his/her choice, weather that partner is a toy or a doll or someone from the same or opposite gender or even if it is an animal, I leave it to the conscience of that person to decide. Anyways, there is nothing wrong if you are doing it within the four walls of your own house and there is absolutely nothing wrong in it as long as you are not forcing any living being to join you in the act.

It’s a shame that this guy had to scrounge the internet for a partner, just like those tharki guys and girls on various chatting and dating sites. And it is sad that he ended up opening up to a guy like me. All I can tell him is that “I am Sorry, I am not that type” and I hope that some smart IT guy develops a platform where LGBTs within the various cities in India can discreetly look for partners. I say discreetly because I know that these things are still not easily accepted in our country. I don’t know maybe, there’s something already available.

Anyways, I only hope and pray that this guy finds a true and compatible lifelong partner of his choice, and if scrounging on the internet like this brings him success, so be it.

I would also like to advise him that when the time comes, he should stand up and say no to his parents when they force him for a ‘regular’ marriage. Please don’t spoil a girl’s life. If you do that, I promise, I’ll definitely come down to Baroda, chop off your lulu and shove it up your own ass.

As I end this blog, I would also like to tender an advance apology to this new friend for posting the transcript as it is without his permission. It is the soul of this blog post, and so I can’t do without posting it here. On my part, I have done the best I could by masking your identity. I sincerely hope that our common friends don’t find out who you are. If they do, let me tell you, this is your life, and you have to stand up for yourself.

Jism2 – My Review

Yesterday I spent the evening at a friend’s place over an Iftar gathering. We were around fifteen guys and my friend’s wife had cooked the best possible assortment of Kozikoden snacks and dinner. Starting 6:18PM (Maghrib call for prayer) till around 8:00 I hogged and hogged, so much that I couldn’t sit comfortably. The food was so good that I stuffed in the Chicken Majboos standing. I couldn’t sit. If I had, I’d have surely burst my trouser button. Needless to mention, I had to shelve my plans for watching the 9:00PM show of Jism2.

I stayed back and had a nice lazy evening chatting with my friends over two large glasses of black tea infused with some secret spices. That was the best part of the day.

I left from my friend’s place at 11:10PM. I should have driven back to my house and dozed off, but my basic instincts took control and forced me straight to the Gulf Cinema. The theatre was empty, and I didn’t have any problem getting a ticket for the 11:30 show of Jism2. That was the beginning of the worse part. What a time to spoil my otherwise wonderful day!

For me, and those few tharki (for the exact meaning look up the website http://www.urbandictionary.com ) Nepalese and North Indian brothers who came to the theatre with hungry eyes and an almost erect dong, it was a huge let down. In real terms it was a KLPD (again look up the website http://www.urbandictionary.com for the exact meaning). Even some of the songs were deleted. There were no sex scenes and no vulgarity what so ever, except for Arif Zakaria, who brought up a very horny ejaculating like expression on his face while taking an injection for his Cancer treatment.

My conclusion – Jism2 is not an ‘A’ movie.

Sunny Leone is shown playing the role of a dumb girl; needless to say she didn’t have to do any acting at all. The only thing that was missing was her blonde hair, or else at least her appearance would have been perfect. Although not mentioned explicitly, she is shown as someone who suffers from acute Asthma. I too am asthmatic and so could empathise with her condition. There is not one scene in the movie, where she is not breathing heavily or panting. She pants even when she stands still leaning against the wall. And when she does that her huge breasts go up and down, and in exact synchrony to that, in the theatre, the eyes (and some heads too) of my Nepalese brothers go up and down in a metachronal rhythm throughout the movie. At one point I even tweeted “If those melons are so heavy, why doesn’t she leave them at home”

As the movie started I thought that the dialogues were pathetic, however some of the ones said by Randeep in the latter part of the movie were really good, and poetic. However, most of them were stolen from famous poets of the likes of the great Faiz Ahmed Faiz and even from the Bible. Again, the good part is that, the dialogue writer Shagufta Rafique realized that all the other characters in this movie are utter chutes (for the third time look up the website http://www.urbandictionary.com ) and deserve to converse like retrards.

Randeep Hooda (the only saving grace, the lone star of this movie) as Kabir is excellent. I will say that this Kabir is as good as or at times even better than the Kabir played by John Abraham in Jism.  In short, this is not a movie for boys. Although it has a porn star in Sunny Leone, this movie is for women and gay men to drool on over Randeep and the other guy (if you ignore his acting and just concentrate on his physique). By the way, I don’t know the other guy’s name, and don’t intend to know either.

However, you’ll note that there’s no link between Jism and Jism2. Jism2 is not a sequel to Jism in any way. The star cast is different, the director is different and the story is miles apart. Oops sorry, did I say story? Jism2 has a plot but no story. Most of what Pooja Bhatt has shown here is bullshit and below average. But then, which porn movie has a story. Again, this is not a pure porn movie either. Effing disappointment!!

But the movie does underline the fact that love is blind, that love gets thicker with betrayal, that there is pain in love and that Sex is an integral part of love. The movie does attempt to personify a great Ghazal sung by Begum Akhter and written by Shakeel Badayuni “Aye Muhabbat tere naam pe rona aaya”, but sadly fails.

There is also another guy in the movie. I don’t know who he is, and I don’t know his name, but he a pathetic actor and reminds you of the fact that the couch system does exist in our film industry. Let us not talk about him.

I’d rate the movie 1/5. And the lone one star goes out to Randeep and all those couplets by famous Urdu poets reposted aptly by Shagufta Rafique.

So, to all the boys, if you are planning to watch Jism2 for Sunny Leone, the porn star, don’t watch it in a theatre. Don’t even waste money buying a CD. Download one of her earlier porn movies free of charge from any of the many torrent sites. That’s all her acting is worth!

If like me, you are a lover of Urdu poetry, go to www.youtube.com and listen to some nice Ghazals. There are plenty of them sung by Jagjit Singh, Mehdi Hassan, Ghulam Ali, and Begum Akhter or better still, buy a CD.

Mushroom and Egg Sandwich

Serves One

Total Calories - 700

Ingredients:

Sandwich

Baguette (medium size)– 2nos

Egg – 2nos

Milk (evaporated) – 1 packet (15g)

Mushroom – 2nos

Onion – 1no

Butter – 10gms (One mini dish)

Oil – 2tbsp

Black Pepper (whole) – 1tbsp

Ground Black Pepper – 1tsp

Salt

Side Veggies

Mini Corn – 2nos

Mini Carrots – 5nos

Mini Tomatoes – 5nos

Butter – 5gms

Ground Black Pepper – ½tsp

Salt

How I cut them:

Vegetables for the Sandwich

I sliced the onions and mushrooms lengthwise and radially, that is from pole to pole (and not horizontally). My intention was to get even sized pieces of both the veggies. If I’d cut them horizontally, I’d have ended up with uneven sized pieces, which would have cooked unevenly.

 Vegetables for the Side Veggies

I sliced the Baby Carrots and Baby Corns into pieces of around 2-3cms long each and the Baby Tomatoes into halves.

How I cooked it:

Sandwich

Beat eggs and milk into a frothy and evenly coloured mix. This process requires rigorous whisking for around 30 seconds to a minute or so depending on the process that one would use for whisking. I’d whisked it in a steel glass using a fork, which took me around a minute. When it was whisked well, I left it aside for some time.

Meanwhile, I heated oil in a Skillet on low flame; added whole black pepper and onions. When the onion appeared to be turning brown, I added the mushrooms, ground black pepper, salt and sautéed the mix till the mushrooms were cooked. (That’d be 2-3 minutes). When done, I turned the flame off, covered the Skillet and kept it aside.

On another burner I heated oil in a Griddle on medium flame; poured the egg/milk mix spreading it throughout the Griddle so that I got a thin layer of the mix. As the omelette was getting cooked, and while the top was still soggy, I cut off the omelette into small pieces and sautéed them over the griddle on a low flame. Note that my intention was to get small thin slices of omelette similar in size to the mushrooms that I’d just cooked in the Skillet and also to ensure that it didn’t turn into a chunky mix like a scrambled egg. When the egg was done I moved the mix into the Skillet and mixed it with the Onion-Mushroom mix on a low flame. When done, I turned the flame off, covered the Skillet and kept it aside.

I slit the Baguettes from the centre and butter toasted its inners on the Griddle over low flame. When the inner was still hot, I filled in Baguettes with the Mushroom Egg mix.

Side Veggies

In the same Skillet, I added butter and sautéed the veggies with a little salt and ground black pepper over a low flame till they were done.

And this is how it looked:

It definitely tasted as yummy as it looks on this picture above. Nice, healthy and heavy enough breakfast. Each Sandwich packs in around 320 Calories. I had all of what is shown in the pic above along with a glass of Goji Berry juice (125 Calories) at 7AM and it carried me well till 3PM.

Try it.

Enjoy and do let me know your comments.

Killing Tanhai

For most gelf mallu men, the months of July-August are the most trying of them all. It is vacation time for the schools and the (un)lucky ones have their families packed away for a rain soaked lazy staycation back in Gods Own Country.

Sending away ones family does bring in an illusion of freedom that one always wanted to have, but as it does, even this illusion of freedom comes at a price. And the current one brings along with it tons of loneliness, longer days with shorter working hours (due to Ramadan), and a scorching sun followed by humid evenings which forces you to confine yourself within the four walls of your house. You cannot venture out due to the heat and no restaurant or movie would be operational before evening as it is Ramadan. Which means you’ll be forced to cook and watch soap. What can be worse, now you have to do your own dishes, wash-dry-fold-iron-fold (again) your cloths, polish your shoes, sweep and mop the floor and to make matters worse, you wife’s BFF, Mr. God might just put your patience to the test by breaking the AC.

Loneliness is a bane if it has to be endured, and the best way to kill loneliness is the obvious. To not be alone! So here’s my set of five which can surely rescue you. Pick one that suits you:

1.    Set up a booze party

I guess most of the mallus, who are I possession of a liquor permit have made the best of QDC’s quota hike for the last month and have now stored more than a month’s quota of liquor in their bar. So, it’s just the right time to set up a booze party with your other forced bachelor friends.

Experience freedom first class as you go about tippling the whole night without the fear of expecting your wife’s calls on the mobile “Where are you man? It is past midnight!”

Better still, next day when your head reels under the hangover and you sloth away in the cosiness of your bed dreaming about Sunny Leone and her Jism no. 2, you can be rest assured that there will be no interruptions in the form of urchins jumping in between or the old witch spanking your ass screaming and informing you that it’s already past noon.    

2.    Take up some sport

Team up with a sports oriented friend and get fitter in the real sense.

Especially in Qatar, there are many places where one can play indoor games during the day time. Try any of the clubs, where you can play Squash, TT or even badminton. Play Tennis in the evening till very late in the night. Playing Tennis in the floodlights has its own charm.

Go on a fishing trip during the weekend. Fishing cruises (with fishing equipment provided) are available at www.qatartourism.gov.qa and if you are a team of four, the cost works out less than QAR 500 per person.

Again since you have all the time under the sun, why not enrol into a gym. The PTA meeting in most schools is scheduled in September, which gives you guys just enough time to shape up.

3.    Explore your culinary side

Why not try your hands on cooking?

Try a new dish without the risk of having to subject others to taste it. Invent a marinade of your own using one of your stocked liquors.

Post pictures of the food you’ve cooked on a networking site. And while you do so, just like those celebrity chef’s on the TV, act as if what you’d cooked was actually tasty.

4.    Pursue your academic goals

Again, with your wife and kids away, you are suddenly endowed with a lot of disturbance free time. Make good use of it. Enrol yourself into a course and pursue an academic dream that you always wanted to achieve.

Get a LEED or PMP or Six Sigma or whichever certificate that you’ve dreamt of holding.

If you are not one of the academic types, go ahead and learn to play a musical instrument.

This is the right time. Do it now, or you’ll have to wait for another whole year.

5.    Get tangled in the web

If you are someone who wouldn’t venture into any of the above, chances are that you are a simple down to earth mortal being who is skewed more on to the carnal side.

I’d recommend you guys to get a membership of an online dating site named Tagged. Needless to mention, this website is banned in Qatar. However, if you are keen and discerning, you’ll find a way to bypass the system. Out there, there’s enough material available to keep you busily engaged for the whole month and even longer.

Here you’ll find desperate women looking either for love or just plain money and also some African men trying to illegally sell gold and diamonds. Choose what you want.

My reliable sources say that this place is filled chock-a-block with desperate Asian single females willing to share anything as long as you treat them to a peg or two of Jack Daniels and bucket of KFC!

If you are of the high class types, you can hook up with a professional who’d fly down to live in for a month. All you’d have to do is, spend the money for flight tickets, a month’s maintenance and just a paltry $5000/- as a parting gift. Ah! That’s too much for a mallu to handle!! Now we know why these western expats are so highly paid!! ;-)

Tanhai – Urdu word for Loneliness.

Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in which a person feels a strong sense of emptiness, yearning distress and solitude resulting from inadequate quantity or quality of social relationships (Courtesy – Wikipedia). 
Frankly, I never knew the problem was this serious, until I read the wiki. :-p